Blue Autumn
by artemisniarchos
Summary: A story for all who have shared real love with someone who later became unreachable, was separated because of life's circumstances, and whose love was buried alive in the past.
1. Chapter 1

**_Introduction:_**

I have searched for over twenty years for a certain music video in the late 80s. about a lady who had an old love who became a famous rock star and they were separated through the years, later leading their own lives. The closing of the video was so poignant, it was a fade out of the lady at the moment when they failed to meet despite of him recognizing her at the backstage after a concert she decided to attend. At the time, I did not know the name of the song or the group that sang it, but it was unforgotten. After years had passed, I came upon a collection of 80s music videos in the net and finally learned that the song was "Your Wildest Dreams" by The Moody Blues, it became the Billboard video of the year 1987. It was followed "I Know You're Out there Somewhere" a sequel. Mr. Hayward was quoted as saying that he wrote that song for a nameless person in his past. I looked for stories in the web that will explore the story of the song, but I was unfortunate to find out that no one ever really wrote anything close to the plot, there is one about a vampire and another about a dragon that had nothing to do with the wonderful song and its lovely story. I invite you to watch those music videos so you can see the faces behind the characters in this story, they are so beautiful.

This is not a story about the real Mr. Hayward , but rather it is inspired by the "character" that he played in those music videos and the songs he has written through the years. Parts of the songs are quoted in italics and cited at the end of the chapter.**  
**

I am not a very good writer, there will be no perfect grammar nor clever dialogues, I am writing this story... "_**For all those who have shared a real love with someone who later became unreachable, was separated because of life's circumstances; whose love became buried in the past". **_

**Chapter 1:  
**

_**"Once Upon a Time" *  
**_

It was the middle of Autumn in October when David Justin was born in a humble house down town in Swindon, Wiltshire. Their house was near the Great Western Railway of England in the lower middle class of town. His parents were both teachers who were tolerant and supporting of their children. It was from them that he would learn kindness, patience, and tolerance in life.

Justin had a brother who was very close to him, they shared a room where they played games and listened to music while they were growing up. Their room had a big window that looked outside to the western sky, he loved the view and the vista would become a childhood inspiration. In terms of music, Justin was particularly fond of Buddy Holly and the Everly brothers. When his parents saw that he was fond of music, they bought him a guitar at the age of ten.

On the other side of town, Janet was born six months later in April. Her parents were very old fashioned, her father in particular was stern. Her mother was a quiet home-body who did not challenge her husband. Her parents owned a shop in town selling home merchandise. ". Because of her domineering father, she grew up shy and not so confident about herself.

Both of them went to the same school in Shrivenham in Berkshire when they were children. At school, Janet tried her best not to call attention, she was rather afraid of authority as they reminded her of her father. Justin who had a liking for people, tried to join in with the other kids in town, but sometimes they made fun of him since he looked too sweet as a boy and he had golden blonde hair like an angel that the other children jested about. They both did not belong to the popular groups in school, somehow they felt like outsiders. At home, Justin would retreat in his room to listen and play music with his brother. After school, Janet also stayed in her room to paint her coloring books and read children's books by herself. They both passed the grades, neither of them failed nor excelled at school. There were no signs of future greatness nor of personal significance in the early days.

Although they did not know each other, cocooned in their own little worlds, Justin and Janet had two things in common : They both dreamed to be someone special someday and they both loved autumn.

_* "Your Wildest Dreams"_


	2. Chapter 2

_" I can see skies reflected in your eyes…"_

Even at a very young age, Justin became more certain about his love for music. When he joined their church choir, they found out that he had a beautiful voice, like deep autumn chimes. His parents and teachers encouraged him to play instruments and to continue singing, he became more confident and his spirits soared higher. He joined many singing groups at school and participated in stage plays and musicals. He found himself becoming popular because of his talent.

It was in one of those school musical activities where he volunteered his talent that he met Janet. She was part of the group that prepared the show materials and props backstage. Justin arrived before their song practice and he saw this brown haired girl in a plaid skirt on her knees painting lovely colorful sceneries for the show. He bended down beside her and told her how pretty her paintings were. She smiled at him, no one among the students at school ever praised her work. She was startled to see that, although she did not know his name, he was one of the popular boys whom she sees singing onstage. She recalls seeing him as being the tall one with the golden hair, he had a kind smile and his blue eyes were so warm, his young voice sincere. He did not make her afraid. So instead of running away, like she may normally do when a stranger approached her, she smiled back and thanked him for the compliment.

He introduced himself as David Justin and told her that he was part of the cast in their summer school musical program (when actually he was really the lead, but he was never one to impress and he didn't want to drive her away). He asked, _"What's your name?" _ She introduced herself very simply as Janet, she really didn't know what else to say, she wished she were not so shy. His smile grew as if hearing her name was delightful. With his smiling blue eyes, he asked her," _Can I be your friend? "_. Janet was charmed by the way he made her feel special by asking to be her friend, she did not find it hard to reply graciously "_ Yes David Justin you can be my friend"._ He seemed so pleased with her reply so she beamed back a smile at him. He saw that she had the loveliest of brown eyes with golden flecks like the skies of late afternoon in autumn. Justin's fascination was broken off when they called him for the rehearsal. He said good-bye and told her he will see her around.

Janet did not see Justin for several days, not that she was looking for him she told herself. She was just about to forget the fair haired boy who introduced himself as David Justin, when she saw him outside their classroom door, leaning on the wall waiting for her after class. When he saw her, his blue eyes lit up and with a bright smile, he greeted her," _Hi Janet! I've been looking for you, I saw you in this class…" _Janet managed a shy smile, "_Hello David Justin, where have you been?" _He told her that they have been practicing hard for the summer program these past few days and today was their first free day so he sought her out. He asked Janet if he could walk with her back to their homes. When he asked her where she lived, he learned that she stays at the other side of town where he lived. Janet found that funny and gave him a merry laugh, she asked, _"How can we walk home together when you live on the other side of town?"_ Justin warmly smiled at her and said, _"Then we'll walk up to the park, that would be between where the two of us live." _Janet smiled back and thought that David Justin was not one to easily give up.

Janet and Justin walked around the park and talked about school, they were both attracted to a place near the lake. Justin asked Janet if she knew how to play skimming stones on the water. She looked up at him with those big brown eyes and told him she did not know the game. Justin smiled and said, _"I'll teach you how, you will like it!" _He got himself a handful of pebbles and showed Janet how to throw them at the water so that the pebble jumped across the lake. Janet beamed him a lovely smile, he gave her a half handful of the pebbles in her left hand, he placed one pebble on her right palm, enclosed held her hand with his and taught her how to throw. She rippled with merry laughter as she was able to make the pebble bounce across the water. She became good at it too, and they both shared a wonderful time laughing away the remaining hours before each went home. Janet decided she liked this kind fair-haired boy named David Justin, so the next time he asked to go the park with her, she said yes.

From that day forward, when Justin did not have any long rehearsal, he would wait for Janet outside her classroom so they could walk home together. One time, Justin was practicing a song by himself and he found himself thinking of Janet, thinking about her made him happy. He thought about how he always wanted to be with this special brown-haired girl with the lovely brown eyes, he concluded, at a very young age, that he loved her.

_*_"Your Wildest Dreams"_


	3. Chapter 3

_"__ … you lead the way and I'll find the tree  
And you catch the leaves as they fall " *_

After school and on lazy weekends, Justin and Janet would go to the park. Their favorite spot was on top of a little hill where they can see the view of the lake from above. Janet would bring her books or her painting set and Justin would bring his guitar. They would sit under their favorite tree and he would play to her his new songs while she was reading or painting. On their way up the hill, Janet would collect wildflowers along the path, her favorite was the sweet smelling Honeysuckle. She would put down the wildflowers she collected on the ground beside them, and Justin would place them on her hair while she was reading. At autumn, their favorite time of the year, they would play with the fallen leaves of "their" tree and then they would run down the hill to play skimming stones across the water, they loved to see who could throw more, or who could throw farther.

It made Janet glad that she had a wonderful talented friend in Justin. He too was happy to be with her, she always listened intently to his ideas and songs, she never thought his dreams were farfetched. Justin would ask Janet about what she thought of his new songs. She thought all his songs were lovely and that he sang and played so beautifully, she was amazed at his talent for composing tunes at a very young age. One day on their hill, when they were twelve, Justin played Janet a new song he composed, it was a very pretty song and he sang it so well. Janet was looking at him all the while he was singing, and he saw enchantment shining in her lovely brown eyes. At the end of the song, he asked her what she thought of it. _"It is so very beautiful ..."_ she replied, with those shining eyes and shy smile on her beautifully shaped lips. Justin was so entranced with Janet and the way she appreciated his song, he kissed her gently on her cheek. Janet was completely taken by surprise by his kiss, she blushed furiously and she placed her hands on her face, she began to cry. Then she got up and ran away from him. Justin chased after her, he found her hiding and crying behind a bush. "_Janie, come out. I'm sorry...",_ he said. _ " Go away, David Justin! Stop teasing me!" _When he replied he was not teasing her. _"Why did you kiss me?", she_ asked. _"I like you Janet."_ Justin replied sincerely. His reply made her cry harder, _"Stop! Promise me you won't do that again. Or I won't go out with you anymore !"_ Justin didn't want to promise so he kept silent as he was pondering over what she said, he studied her with his icy blue eyes. _"Promise me!"_ Janet insisted. _"Okay, I promise. Just come out Janie." _Justin held out his hand, and she stepped out of her hiding place still crying, he put his arms around Janet so she would stop crying. He smiled as he held his Janet, and knew he made a promise that he will sweetly break in the future.

During the days that passed, they continued to share a sense of comfort in being together, a sense of feeling accepted from the very start. Both of them made each feel special by the mutual admiration and attention that they gave each other. Those days they spent on the hill would remain with them as the happiest times of their lives when all was innocent, and moments were as golden as the leaves of autumn, a season when they stepped out of childhood and into another age.

With his talent and good looks, Justin immensely grew in popularity at school. He became the star of the programs and the favorite student of the teachers. The elders liked him because even if he was so popular, he never forgot about his studies and he remained a sweet and polite youngster. Now his close friendship with this girl named Janet was a curiosity for many. They found it odd as to why one of the stars in school would befriend someone as simple as her. If they were seen together at school or at the park, Janet would get curious looks from others. The way the other girls looked at her was worse, they would whisper among themselves, and followed the whispers by mean laughter. She began to step back, she would intentionally fall behind and let him walk ahead of her as he was welcomed by his admirers. As the days went by, she started to avoid him altogether. He noticed her growing distance and asked for the reason why. She candidly told him about the way others are treating her strangely when she is seen with him and it was something that made her uncomfortable. At a young age, she spoke with such sureness that he did not argue with her in order not to drive her further away.

Instead, he began to visit her at home, much to the chagrin of her father who considered Janet to be too young to be visited by a boy. Janet's mother liked Justin and she shared the same regard as all the rest, she thought he was charming, respectful, and a handsome young lad who sang like a dream. Her mother observed that Justin was unusually devoted to her daughter. Whenever he would visit her at home, she can see that his eyes would follow Janet whatever she was doing. He would also stay by her daughter's side, mostly playing his guitar or composing a new song while he was seated on the floor, he would be there until evening when Janet would fall asleep in her chair and she had to gently tell Justin that it was time to go home. Janet's mother thought Justin an endearing young lad, one time he had dinner with them she once saw him looking at her daughter with great affection from across the room, she teased the young boy, _"Are you going to marry Janet one day when you both grow up?" _Justin smiled brightly, he looked at her with eyes that wanted to say yes, but Janet's father was scowling at them and not amused at what they were talking about. Justin chose not to reply instead he blushed at what she said. When Janet returned to the table, she was wondering what her mother and Justin were wildly smiling about. Janet was a quite a serious young girl and she asked, _"What are you two up to?" _she complained that she had a feeling that they were talking about her. Janet's mother replied, "_We're just talking about the future dear." _A light frown formed on Janet's brow but she was smiling. While her father grumbled behind his newspaper. All the while Justin was smiling so innocently at them with lowered eyes so the sweet truth would not be seen from him.

Their friendship grew closer with Justin's visits to Janet's home and their occasional trips to the park. Somehow although they did not admit it, especially Janet who strongly denied it, she was known to be Justin's girl. That lasted until the end of school days. On graduation, he insisted on taking her to the ball. Although sheknew she was going out with the most popular and boy in school, she braced herself for her first public appearance. She took to wearing the make-up that was mod during that time so she would look prettier, he thought it was not necessary but he did not protest about what Janet wanted to do. The way Justin took her proudly to the ball made her feel more confident that night. He was the star of the show. Any doubts that they were a couple were dispelled that night. Justin and Janet only danced with each other and no one else, they only had eyes for each other. The years they have been together showed, he would lean towards Janet when she would say something, she had a soft voice. That night was magical for both of them. Justin gave her a silver peace and love necklace as a graduation gift, she would keep it forever.

* "_It's Not Too Late"_


	4. Chapter 4

" _Once beneath the stars  
The universe was ours  
Love was all we knew  
And all I knew was you..."** ***_

At the age of 16, Justin had already decided what he wanted in life, and that was to become a singer and composer with his own band. He actively looked for a band in town that he can join. As a close friend, Janet supported what he wanted to do. That summer, no longer with the pressure of what people at school might say, Justin brought Janet along with him to the singing groups he joined and to all his local performances. The town folks who saw these two youngsters at the time would say that they were almost inseparable.

Naturally enough, Justin and Janet's close friendship blossomed into young love. It was at this time that he promised he will always love her, he gave her a simple chrysanthemum flower brooch for her birthday, he told her it was a symbol of their blossoming love. Though he didn't have much money, Justin liked to give gifts to Janet , simple ones that she can wear because he wanted to see her so happy. And Janet treasured all his gifts, she wore them each day to show she loved him too. They had that look of adoration between them and their young love for each other grew each day.

Justin continued to play with several groups in town on a freelance basis, he started to earn a little bit. He loved being on stage, and the stage loved him, performing covers for songs and the tunes he composed. In search for advancement, he answered ads in the newspaper, his talent was quickly recognized, at a very young age of 17, he was signed up with a song publishing house. He would get paid for composing tunes and the publishers will look for artists would play or record his songs, at the time it was a good idea, a way to be known in the industry and get some earnings on the side for something he loved to do.

With his shining talent and good luck, he auditioned for The Band, he was quickly accepted, and he was signed in to replace its lead player. Signing up with The Band was a big thing for Justin, they were able to get shows outside of town and other cities. On most of these day trips, Justin brought Janet along whenever he could. With Justin as the lead singer and guitarist, The Band quickly gained local success until their big break came and the promoters gave them a contract to play outside the country. Justin invited Janet to come along and she said that she will agree if ever. Justin talked to his Band about bringing Janet to the trips outside England, but they thought it will be difficult for everyone to have her around. Although they were being reasonable, Justin argued with his Band in defense of Janet. In the end, even if Justin was their leader, the Band simply could not agree. Hurt by the decision and feeling set aside, Janet ran away from Justin and the group. He tried to pursue her but she would not be consoled. Justin left town, wary of being separated from Janet for a long time, but the call of music was too strong, he had to follow.

* _"Your Wildest Dreams"_


	5. Chapter 5

" _It's such a rainy afternoon  
She sits and gazes from her window  
Her mind tries to recall his face  
The feeling deep inside her grows" *__  
_

The Band achieved continued success on the road, they cut their first singles and the songs written by Justin gained popularity. Although Janet was not happy to be left behind, she did not want to come between Justin and The Band and she was sincerely happy for their success in the big city. Janet would spend hours listening to the radio, waiting for them to play the songs of The Band. She would play the records again and again, listen to the silvery voice of Justin as if he was still around.

Justin would call her whenever he can, the more successful The Band, the more they performed on the road, the more infrequent his calls became. Sadness began to creep in, her parents would see her look out the window as if she was waiting for someone to return. Her father saw that the long distance relationship with this boy Justin (whom he never approved of before) was making Janet unhappy, he often told her to forget about him and to stop taking his calls if ever he called at all. He told her that she was wasting her time and emotions because he was just a singer in a rock and roll band.

After almost a year of moping around at home, painting and reading, just playing Justin's records and waiting for his calls, her parents decided to send her off to study Fine Arts in college in a city far away. She could only agree to what her parents thought was good for her, she had to do something useful with her life. She was beginning to feel sorry for herself, Justin's calls were becoming less and less frequent now, if ever he would call he told her the hard life of being on the road, the long hours of practice, performance, and travelling. He never failed to tell her he loved her, but she can hear a certain melancholy in his voice. Janet tried to understand, but the weeks became months and the months slowly turned into a year that Justin did not get in touch with her.

Every now and then, she would read in the papers about Justin and The Band making it big in London, becoming a front act for The Beatles, performing at the Troubador in Paris, they had hit records composed and sung by Justin. Their songs often played on the radio, their pictures in magazines, in over a year they had become celebrities.

She stopped telling anyone that she knew him, stopped mentioning his name, even to her family. She tried her best to forget, to bury herself in school work. She spent countless nights crying until she could cry no more as if the well of tears in her heart had dried up. One morning she woke up, her feelings numb, like her heart turned to wood. She accepted to herself that she is forgotten.

_* "The Actor"_


	6. Chapter 6

" _Like the sun through the trees, you came to love me  
Like a leaf on the breeze, you blew away.  
The autumn's golden gown we used to kick our way  
You always loved this time of year,  
Those fallen leaves lie undisturbed now  
Because you're not here._

_A gentle rain falls softly on my weary eye,  
As if to hide a lonely tear  
My life will be forever autumn  
Because you're not here…" *  
_

Life on the road was more difficult than Justin and The Band had expected. Had it not been for their success and the audience who loved their music, they would have had no consolation. During their first year touring around in and outside Europe, they had no life but the shows. Having their first hit single, written and sung by Justin, led them to more shows from one city to another. There were many parties hosted by the producers and sponsors, there would sometimes come times when Justin felt weary of the life he had chosen to live. Those were the moments when he would look for a telephone so he can call overseas and get in touch at home and with Janet whom he genuinely missed. However, the phone lines during those days and the places they stayed in were faulty, he seldom made a connection. He was able to call only once or thrice, it was all very frustrating. Each time he tried to call, the line would either be cut or they had to hurry because The Band had to prepare to leave for the next city and the city after that.

Finally after over a year, Justin and The Band were given a rare time off, he went back to his hometown to visit his friends and family. He knew he had not communicated with Janet for a long time, and he really wanted to see her, he was thinking maybe now that they are a bit older at twenty, she can come with him , maybe he might even propose marriage to her, depends on how she would welcome him back. Justin's mind was racing on the possibilities and he became excited to visit her at home. When he went to Janet's house, he was greeted by her parents. They told him Janet had gone off to college in a city far away from town. They had that regretful expression on their faces and they gave Justin her number when he asked for it.

Deeply disappointed that he did not see Janet, he decided to visit the spot in the park where they used to go. Upon arriving there, he saw that the leaves on the hill that fell from "their" tree lay thick on the untrodden ground, the lake where they played skimming stones was cold and ominously silent. He painfully realized that Janet had not endured to wait for someone like him who was always on the road. Perhaps his friends were right when they told him, you cannot go home again. Feeling extremely despondent, he went back to his parents' house, got himself "stoned" that night, and departed early the following day not to return again for a very, very long time.

Back on the road, he made several attempts to call Janet at the college using the number her parents gave him. But on those rare moments when he could connect, either she was in the library studying, in class, or asleep at night. In all the times he tried, he was never able to talk to her. Each time he failed to make a call to Janet, he would think what a fine lady she will be someday, especially with her college education. He had always known she will be a very special person gifted with a talent for painting, unlike him ... a troubador, singing for his supper. Here he was, trying to call to her from all sorts of places, backstage where everything was unruly, he kept company with people who got drunk and stoned, living in hotels from one city to another. She deserved better, in fact she deserved the best life ... no amount of hit records he made could convince him otherwise.

Time passed and Justin dedicated himself to his music and The Band. In a couple of years, they became even more successful, made several hit records, they traveled far and wide for concerts filled to the rafters with their own fans, they made albums, Justin's songs were acclaimed by the public. They appeared in television shows, they became celebrities, the dreams of their youth had come true. They had become rich and famous. The wild parties continued, the girls threw themselves at their feet. To distract himself from the rigor of life and loneliness of being on the road, Justin went out with several girls. His friends noticed that he always chose pretty blonde girlfriends, he seemed to stay clear away from brunettes. It was all so very easy, he looked for the prettiest blonde girl he could find and married her.

The Band was known for what was then called progressive rock, and they were very good at it. Justin continued to be their lead singer, guitarist and song writer. He composed songs on the edge of classical and psychedelic tunes. As time went by, he became so very handsome, he played the guitar like a young rock god, the fans idolized him. In the midst of all their successful progressive rock hits, there was always this strange and peculiar thing that everyone observed – out of the blue, and every once so often, Justin would come up with a wistful song about a lost love with melody touched with sorrow and lyrics that were filled with regret and heart-break. When his Band asked him why he kept on writing those songs lamenting over a lost love, he would tell them he doesn't know, that it just comes …

_* _Forever Autumn_


	7. Chapter 7

" _Another illusion shattered,  
Another broken dream… " *_

Janet returned to her hometown after graduation. She grew up to be a lovely young lady with pale translucent skin set off by her dark brown hair and gentle light brown eyes. What was remarkable about Janet was her sensitive and reserved manner and she had an enchanting shy smile. Not much has changed too since she was a young girl, she still wanted to be away from the limelight and attention, even if she was the most talented girl in class.

She found her own place in town and took up a job in their school administration to help pay for day to day needs. Janet's life was normal, nothing out of the extraordinary happened each day, she did not have a desire to become rich and famous. All she ever dreamed of was to someday run her own art studio where she can paint, design, and decorate rooms. She had a some suitors who were charmed by her quiet beauty, but she took none of them seriously. She was content with the way things were, she preferred a quiet life.

Once in awhile, she still listens to the songs of Justin and The Band whenever they play on the radio and performed in television. But she did not allow herself to wallow in the things that happened ages ago.

One weekend on the way to the store, she picked up a newspaper and opened the entertainment page to see what shows were on. Her heart seemed to stop when she saw a picture of Justin and an extremely pretty blonde girl beside him. Her knees turned weak as she read that the girl was Justin's wife, and that he wrote a song dedicated to her, a song he named after her. She read on that they had a daughter, an exquisitely beautiful blonde girl. As she read through the article the words on the pages began to blur… she felt the sting of a burning pain coursing through her veins… like a deadly venom rapidly spreading in her blood to all parts of her body, a deathly pain aiming for the heart as if it wanted to kill her. In her eyes, the paper she was reading transformed into a coil of poisonous black snakes, horrified she threw it down the pavement in fear. The pain in her body spread until she was drowning in a black flood of grief and then darkness engulfed her.

She spent the following weeks like a sleepwalker. She could not cry, she will not allow herself to cry. Instead she welled up her sorrow inside her and kept it locked inside somewhere in her soul. At home, she would stare at the distance looking at the view from her window but not seeing anything. It was a defense, she taught herself not to feel anything, to dissociate herself from the frightful pain she experienced. That was how she dealt with her sorrow, that was how she managed to survive.

Her friends tried to cheer her up, seeing how depressed she was for something she would not explain to them. One of her most ardent suitors, knowing how she loved the records of The Band brought their albums to her as gifts, and invited her to listen to the music along with him to show they had much in common, all these in an effort to try and please her. Janet figured that she found his company agreeable. She thought that perhaps a family life of her own would change her, get her out of this lonely world that she inhabited. It was a decision she gradually made, and when he proposed for marriage, she accepted. They were married within a year. They moved into their own place in an apartment building downtown, eventually they had two children, a boy and a girl. Janet continued to work in the school administration, her husband worked hard in an office, they lived the kind of life we know of. Finally she could tell herself, that she had left the past behind.

_* _"Broken Dream"_


	8. Chapter 8

" _I'm looking for someone to change my life.  
I'm looking for a miracle in my life.  
And if you could see what it's done to me  
To lose the love I knew…  
_  
_Between the silence of the mountains  
And the crashing of the sea  
There lies a land I once lived in  
And she's waiting there for me." *  
_

Years passed, Justin and his Band achieved monumental success. The Band sold over 70 million records and Justin as their lead singer and songwriter received many awards and became a legend. The tribulations of fame affected his marriage. Faithfulness was a problem between the handsome couple. Through the years, there were a number of other blonde girls that came in between, and then there was another man, and the marriage eventually collapsed and was over. Justin and his gorgeous blonde wife were divorced. The girl took off and married another man.

On a personal side, Justin was renowned not only for his music but also for being one of the most good looking men in the rock world, there were always many women to distract him, but he took no one permanently, as far as he was concerned, he told himself and others who cared to ask that he never seemed to be fortunate in that arena, so he concentrated more on perfecting his music and his stage performances.

As Justin matured, he became more insightful of his life. Much as he loved his fans and the people who helped him get to the top, he realized that the kind of changes in life which fame and fortune brought was shallow. Fame meant that the concerts were bigger, the stages were larger, the hotels they lived in were grander, the show people more flamboyant. The group of people who were with him now were of the same kind as when they were in the early years, an entourage of agents, hard driven producers, rock musicians, groupies, screaming fans, promoters, press people who sold their story to the public. It was really a wearisome kind of life, where the glitter was good only for the early glory years and then it becomes a never ending carousel ride of concerts, recordings, television programs, parties, year after year, after lonesome year …

One fateful day, after a television show in Germany while promoting their new hit record, The Band's agent had a great idea for holding a Homecoming Concert in Justin's hometown. The Band thought it was a fabulous idea, a fresh change from the big cities they played in. Justin agreed, he would love to visit his old neighborhood again, it has been a very long time. The management arranged the concert to be held in Justin's old school stadium, where he used to perform as a young student. The promotion for the Homecoming Concert went into full swing, posters and billboards were put up, the whole city anticipated their arrival. When the time came, Justin and The Band packed up their things and got ready for the flight back home.

_* _The Question_


	9. Chapter 9

" _The day we meet again  
I'll be waiting there for you  
Because the years have been so lonely…_

_... in case you're wondering_  
_What was really on my mind_  
_It wasn't what you took my love_  
_It's what you left behind…_

_You know we're only living for_  
_The day me meet again"*_

Every morning Janet would wake up early so she can prepare their breakfast, the school things of her children, and the suit that her husband would wear to work. Janet does not complain, a stable family life is more than what anyone could hope for. After the children has gone off to school and her husband has gone off to work, she would rush down three flight of stairs (they lived in the third floor of an apartment building) she would then jump into her old blue mini Cooper and head off to the school where she worked. That was her schedule day after day, she took solace that her life held no unpleasant surprises.

One day while driving in her old car, she drove near their school billboard and stopped in a sudden when she saw a bright blue poster announcing that The Band with Justin will have a concert right there in town, in their own school auditorium. She was stunned, he would actually be here. She did not know what to think or feel, she found it unbelievable… Justin has become almost unreal, a celebrity she only read about and saw on television, she found it hard to relate thinking about him as the David Justin she once knew. She shook her head and drove past the poster to head for work.

The promotion for The Band's Concert was accelerating as it drew near. Their songs were all over the radio in constant rotation, clips of their performance were shown on local television. Everywhere Janet went, Justin's songs were playing, The Band was all the DJs gabbed about in their programs, the concert was the biggest talk of the town, and their visit was regularly covered in the evening news. Everyone was excited to see their local rock star again, it was announced that the mayor himself will welcome them to town.

Janet kept her head down and tried her best to resist what was happening around her. She could not tell a single soul that she knew Justin once, no one would believe her, and it was also something she would not care to talk about. It was not a happy memory, it was something best forgotten really. And he would probably be a complete stranger now, a world famous rock star, she thought that even if she threw herself at his door, he would not recognize her, never in one's wildest dreams.

Still she found herself thinking. She had a thought that slowly crept into the cracks of the wall she built around her memories. She wondered, would he really not know her at all if he saw her? Would he not recognize his friend from schooldays? She would sit up in the middle of the night, as if someone woke her from a dream. And the first thought that would come upon her in the darkness was this, she wondered if she will regret giving up the chance to see Justin again. He most likely will never return to this old town, and she will always be wondering what if they met? What would have happened? Would he have remembered? The questions reeled incessantly in her mind…

She had to give in to the voices in her head. She got herself a ticket to the show and braced herself for the day. She told herself that she will stay out of the way. She will just be another face in the crowd, she felt sure that he will never be able to recognize her anyway.

On the night of the show, she made an excuse, stepped out of the house, and proceeded to the venue. She heard the wonderful music of The Band playing as she entered. Then she saw him from afar, his golden presence set him apart from everyone. She moved closer to the stage to take a better look at Justin. And there he was, she could not help but smile, it all came back ... memories of the kind fair haired boy who approached her as she was working backstage, who asked to be her friend, the same one who sang his new songs to her on their favorite hill, the one who was with her all throughout the school years, their sad and short-lived young love. All these memories were shared with this very same golden person performing on stage right now. Looking at him closely, she felt the ice that flowed in her veins began to thaw.

She broke her promise to herself that she will stay out of the way. After the show, she slipped backstage with a faint hope to meet Justin if only to say hello. Maybe, just maybe he might recognize her and she will hear his voice again. One more time before this life is over. She felt sure he will never pass this way again. She escaped past the security who were guarding the entrance backstage. She kept a smile of anticipation as she hurriedly looked for the door of their dressing room.

She came just in time to see that The Band was about to leave the venue. They were surrounded by a retinue of show people. Janet approached them and smiled at him from afar. She caught Justin's attention as he stepped out of the door. When he saw her, he looked astonished for a moment, and then he broke into that warm smile she had known all her life, a glowing warmth that extended to the light that shone in his blue eyes as he looked at her fully knowing who she was. He was just only able to say "Hi" to her when his entourage pulled him away, he struggled to break away from the group, but they were pushing him out towards the exit where photographers with flashing cameras, screaming fans, television coverage, and a swarm of reporters were waiting outside. She saw him struggle as he tried to reach out to her at the very last moment, and then in an instant he was gone.

Janet stood there transfixed. She was left behind by the people around her who started to disperse. She felt hopeless and helpless at the same time, it was only too clear that their two worlds can never meet, it was a fantasy she should never have harbored. She felt the familiar cold despair descend upon her and the ghostly image of Janet in that empty backstage faded to black.

_*_"The Day We Meet Again"_


	10. Chapter 10

" _I know you're out there somewhere,  
Somewhere you can hear my voice,  
I know I'll find you somehow,  
And somehow I'll return again to you…" *_

Justin cannot stop thinking about her.

Seeing Janet again was like a miracle. He thought she was gone forever, the one he had always loved. He thought he had lost her completely in the past. . He saw that she had become a beautiful lady, she took his breath away when he saw her standing there. To have seen again, if only for awhile, her lovely brown hair and those soft brown eyes that he adored. He remembered her shy smile, how she smelled of sweet honeysuckle as a little girl. How he loved her.

Since he saw her, whenever he was alone or when he closed his eyes, images of Janet would flash in his mind … an endearing shy child who would paint pretty pictures beside him, he loved to put wild flowers on her sun-kissed brown hair, he loved to sing to her while she read her books… then she grew up right before his eyes to become a lovely intelligent young girl, someone he was content to follow, as long as she will be with him wherever he goes… and then the child-girl whom he had loved fully bloomed into the radiant beautiful lady that he saw backstage, smiling at him…

He realized that his feelings for Janet were as brilliant and alive as it was yesterday. He thought that perhaps, deep inside him, he had been wishing and waiting for her all this time. And that night, she was just there within his reach …and he failed to meet with her when he had the chance. His crazy kind of life kept him from meeting with her.

The following day, in the post-concert party they had in town, he kept on imagining that she was among the guests, he searched for her in every brown haired girl he saw, only to be disappointed time and again. Maybe he was just hoping in vain that she would be there… He couldn't get Janet out of his mind, even if he tried. She resided in his heart and he was going to be searching forever, now that he knew that she is real and not just a dream from his past. It was driving him up the wall to think that she was just out there somewhere, in the very same city where he was at. He vowed to find her.

When The Band and their entourage prepared to leave for London, he told them he will go on a week's leave and stay behind. They were surprised at his decision, they thought he was being sentimental about his old town. But they thought it was all good and left Justin alone with his peculiar sojourns.

He drove back to his hometown and began to ask about Janet. She was not listed in the phone book, he knew well enough she would not be, since she always treasured her privacy. His own folks did not know her whereabouts, and it seems her old family have moved town. He took a chance and tried to look for her in their old school where he saw her, maybe they knew something. When he called, he had to pretend he was someone else, a distant cousin, in order not to call anyone's attention. He was the lucky one! He found out that she was working in their other campus and they gave him her number.

With his heart thundering in his chest, he called her up. A silken voice answered him on the other end of the line, it was her voice, he would know her voice anywhere. But she did not recognize him, when he told her who he was, she hesitated. He imagined a light frown forming on her beautiful brow, the way it did when she found something awry when she was a small girl. She won't believe it was him, she told him he must be mistaken and was about to put down the phone when he said, "_Janie, It's me."_

She froze. Justin was the only one who ever called her Janie, it was a nickname he gave her when they were children. It was him. She responded to him the way she always had in the past, _"Hello, David Justin." _ His heart melted when when she called him by his complete name, for no one called him that except her, his Janet. With that, the bygone doors of the special world they had created between them opened once again.

For a long moment, they did not find it necessary to say anything. As if they could read each other's thoughts from beyond the lines. Then Justin told her that he searched for her after seeing her backstage at the end of their show. He apologized for not being able to talk to her that night. He said he wanted to meet with her if she will allow. She told Justin that she would be happy to see him again, she gave him her home number and address. Justin smiled from his heart as he put down the phone. He had found her and he is never going to let her go again.

_* _"I Know You're Out There Somewhere"_


	11. Chapter 11

" _The day we meet again  
We will walk in peace  
Thru the garden down the road  
Where the mist of time is lifting…_

_So hold on, and don't let go  
Time heals, you know, I know"***  
**_

Janet invited Justin to her house when she was alone, she didn't want his visit to upset her family. Even if he was an old school friend, they might wonder why a grown up man was visiting their mother. That would raise all sorts of questions that she did not want right now. Still, she could not refuse Justin, he went all this way to look for her and truth was, she really wanted to see him again. She thought that perhaps he may just want to gain closure for the past. Janet smiled and thought, all in all it would be good to see Justin again and she was looking forward to his visit. He called her up promptly on the given day and told her he was on his way.

Justin was anxious and excited at the same time. The thought of seeing Janet again was overwhelming, he was so happy and yet he fears that she will reject him for the years he was gone. All these thoughts were running in his mind while he was driving towards her place. When he arrived at the address she has given him, he can see that she now belonged in a different community. He parked his blue MB sports car, which looked so out of place in the neighborhood. He wished he could have just taken the train like he used to when he was young except his kind of life now made that impossible. He saw that Janet now lived in a five story red bricked community apartment building. The place was huge, he had to look around to get his bearings, finally he saw that the number she gave him was on the third floor. He lost no time in going up the stairs until he arrived at her door and knocked on it. He knew that behind that door is Janet, he could feel her getting near. Janet heard the knock on their door and knew it was Justin. Like a child, she dropped what she was doing and ran to the door to welcome him. When she opened the door, Justin could see how happy Janet was in seeing him again. Seeing her lovely smile made all his fears disappear  
and he stepped into her world.

They were enthralled by each others' presence as they updated one another about the years they missed. Janet told Justin that she is now married with two children and he told her that he has a grown daughter of his own, they were just too happy to consider any complication. They didn't even notice the time until Janet saw that it was getting late. Justin for one didn't want to leave, he wanted to take her with him, he wished if only he could. When Justin was about to go, he promised that from now on he will always be there for her. He told her that he will return again soon and then he lightly kissed her on the forehead when he said good-bye.

After Justin left, Janet was left wondering how things will change now that Justin has returned, but then again she had doubts if he truly meant his promise. How can he mean it? When he lived in a different world from her? Despite of her doubts, she cannot get over the fact that Justin searched for her and actually visited her. She guessed that perhaps he was truly looking for closure. She was so happy that she saw him again, her wonderful David Justin, the memory of his visit was enough to last a lifetime, even if he did not call or return again like he promised.

After three days, Justin called her up at work. She was completely taken by surprise, she never expected him to call again. He said he was in London and that he was about to leave for France. He also told her that he wanted to visit her again when he returns, he called to ask if it was alright with her. Janet told him that he would always be welcome and that he did not have to ask again. Justin sounded so happy at what she said that she couldn't help but look forward to his next visit.

Justin brought Janet a gift on his second visit, she remembered the times when he would give her small gifts when they were younger (and in love, but she brushed the thought aside). Janet opened her gift and the treasure inside took her breath away. It was an exquisitely beautiful antique Lalique French table clock with a golden face and carved white lovebirds upon its clear blue crystal setting. She opened the card and learned that the clock was called "_Inseparables_". A tear of joy fell on Janet's cheek. Justin brushed off the tear on her face, and he softly told her, "_This is wishing that I can give back all the time that was lost"_. Janet was so very happy, she hugged Justin and kissed him on the cheek when she said "_Thank you. It's so beautiful..."  
_

Janet was so touched, not only for his beautiful gift, but because more and more she is learning that Justin had not changed. Fame and fortune did not tarnish the David Justin she had known, he remained as sweet, loving, and kind as before. Seeing Janet's beautiful brown eyes light up with happiness when she received his gift was one of the best things that happened to Justin for a very long time. He remembered from long ago that it never really mattered to Janet if his gifts were simple or if they were expensive, she always received them with such deep appreciation that it was no wonder why he loved her so much. And he always got a kiss from Janet every time he gave her a gift. Justin fondly remembered that when he was younger, he was always fishing for a kiss from Janet, and that was one of the reasons why he gave her all sorts of gifts. He smiled when he thought that nothing much changed about that.

Justin shared his wish with Janet, he asked her if she would like to go to the park and visit the spot where they used to go. Janet's eyes lit up more brightly that they resembled liquid gold and then she beamed him a most enchanting smile that Justin felt he was melting from where he stood. She told him that she thought it was such a wonderful idea, and that she would be delighted to go.

It amazed Janet to see that Justin still knew his way as he drove around their hometown. These were the very same streets they used to walk home together after school. She looked at him while he was driving, she marveled at how Justin has become so handsome over the years. It seemed his blonde hair became lighter and his eyes bluer than she remembered them to be. Janet saw that he was driving towards the front entrance of the park, she told him it was not a good idea to pass that way since he is now famous and he will just create a commotion. Justin laughed with amusement at what Janet said, when he was about to ask her for directions, she told him that she knew another less familiar way. They took the long way around the park, then they alighted from Justin's car and Janet took his arm and gently led the way as they walked towards the backwoods. They were so happy walking arm in arm that they almost didn't feel the ground on their feet.

The backwoods path they had taken was unfamiliar to Justin, but he saw that they finally arrived on their special place on top of a hill. Justin and Janet held hands as they marveled at the memorable view around them, for some reason the colors of the autumn foliage around them were brighter, the grass was more verdant, and the lake was so crystal clear that it reflected the vivid blue sky above them. It was as if the vista welcomed the two of them who were part of this piece of heaven.

Justin turned around and looked up at the giant chestnut tree behind them, he joyfully exclaimed "_Janet, look at our tree!" _The tree has grown to be so tall over the years that they have been absent, its red orange leaves burning brightly above them. Justin saw that Janet was looking up at him, then his warm blue eyes melted into her shining golden brown eyes. At that very special moment, they felt the happiness they missed all these years. The feelings that Justin always had for Janet rushed back to him a thousand times stronger, as if it kept on growing through all the years they were apart. He looked at her beautiful serene face and wondered if she felt the same way.

Justin took off his coat and placed it on the mantle of leaves beneath them for Janet to sit upon. They both sat under their tree, Janet leaned upon Justin and he placed his arms around her like he used to, he gently kissed Janet's lovely brown hair that was still fragrant with the intoxicating scent of sweet honeysuckle just like when she was a schoolgirl, Justin closed his eyes and he let himself become immersed in her presence. Nothing else in the world existed at that moment, together they floated backwards and forwards in time until the sun set around them.

Janet had to wake them up from their dreamlike reverie, to which Justin replied that he wanted for them to stay there forever. She smiled at him and nudged him the way she had always done before, she told him_ "David Justin you are so sweet, but we have to go."_ Reluctantly David and Janet went down from their hill, when they reached the bottom, Justin brought her to the edge of the lake and asked Janet if she still remembered that they played skimming stones before. Janet's lovely brown eyes once again sparkled and she said yes, she remembers so well. They both got themselves some pebbles which they threw at the water to see who can throw farther and who can throw more, exactly the same way they used to many years ago. As they left the place hand in hand, their laughter sounded like the pealing of silver bells echoing around the valley.

*__"The Day We Meet Again"_


	12. Chapter 12

_" __You say to me, why can't it be  
Just like it was once before…__  
__If we were free to do as we please  
What would we change, you and I?_

_Don't you know that it's not too late  
The time's not past…  
And even though I tell myself, all is lost  
But somewhere there's a spark of hope…  
Somewhere the spark is burning, away."*_

Justin got himself his own place in the city next to the town where Janet lived, so he can be near her. No one knew what he was up to, his friends and The Band noticed the radiant glow in Justin's face lately. They even congratulated him because the glow was a telltale sign that he was in love. When they asked him who the lucky girl was, he will not tell them, he just said they will know soon enough. Some of them even deduced correctly and teased him that his new love was from his old town, because he seemed to be spending a lot of time there lately. Nobody had the slightest notion it was Janet.

Until one day he hosted a gathering in his new place where Justin invited his retinue of producers, promoters, friends, and his Band. The party was in full swing when an enchanting brown haired lady arrived, she had a tentative shy smile as she entered. Justin greeted her affectionately and introduced her to everyone as his old hometown friend, Janet. Justin's feelings for her were so transparent that everyone can see he was smitten. When the people saw her they knew at once that she was the mystery lady whom Justin is in love with. Those who did not know Janet, were amazed that Justin chose a brunette for the first time, unlike the string of blonde girlfriends he had before, they also noted that she had a reserved air about her so very different from the previous girls he dated before. Then there were also their old friends and some members of The Band who knew Janet before as Justin's first girlfriend, but they chose to remain silent especially when they learned that Janet is married, they exchanged looks but brushed off any untoward thought, speculating that she may be just one of Justin's passing fancies.

Back at home, Janet's husband asked her about the expensive crystal antique clock on their mantel. Janet told him it was from an old school friend, she even told him Justin's name, he was surprised that she knew this big local star and asked her why she never mentioned this to him before. Janet shrugged telling him that was from so long ago, that he was a good friend before at school and it was nothing… Her husband told her, this Justin sure had expensive taste as he looked at her with narrowed eyes. Janet quickly changed the topic.

Justin communicated with Janet every week without fail, every now and then he would invite her for coffee or a drink in the city, they would choose a private place that was not frequented by people (Justin learned that Janet knew a lot of those places, she was averse to crowds). Sometimes he would visit her at home when she was alone. That went on for several weeks until one weekend, he invited Janet and her kids to his country house up in Berkshire. It was only a few hours drive away from town, when Justin told her there would be horses and ponies to ride, Janet was delighted to bring her children along.

Justin had a beautiful sprawling country house, there was a ranch with several horses, an English garden, a pool, and a meadow with a lake. Janet could see how Justin loved the country and that he was most at home in this place. Justin warmly welcomed Janet and her children, he was so at ease with children that they quickly warmed up to him too. He brought Janet's kids to the barn and left them with his old horse trainer instructing him to keep an eye on them and teach them how to ride on the ponies.

Meanwhile, Justin and Janet took a walk hand-in-hand down the meadow. Janet was so captivated with the place, the field was full of wild flowers, and her favorite sweet honeysuckle lined the border by the trees. Somehow she felt at home there, as if she always belonged to this place. Justin gazed at his Janet, he saw the wildflower child-girl he had always loved in the very same beautiful lady laughing before him, radiant and loving every moment in this gorgeous sunlit meadow.

He realized deep within his heart the truth that he cannot imagine a future without Janet. All the years that was past gathered for this moment, Justin held Janet close to him and told her that he still loved her, he had always loved her, and he asked her to stay with him here in this place. Janet froze in his arms, she looked at him with frightened eyes and told him, "_Justin, it's too late, I am now married with children of my own_". Justin then whispered in her ear, "_Janie, It's not too late…" _When he tried to kiss her, she broke free from him and ran away.

Justin ran after Janet, she was crying hard when he caught her. He held Janet fast and comforted her, it was clear she was afraid of what was happening between them. Justin told her he was sorry and was searching for an answer as he looked into her tear-filled eyes. Janet told him that she wanted them to be friends, they cannot be anything more. Justin could feel another heartache coming, but he will do anything Janet asked him to do, he loved her that much. He replied, _"Alright Janet, do not cry… I will be your friend and I will not ask for anything more, as long you let me be with you ." _

They walked back to the house together and returned to the children who were having fun and laughing by the stables. Janet called them and told them they were leaving. She saw how they hugged Justin as they said good-bye. Justin and Janet looked at each other with sadness as they departed. When they were gone, Justin sat for a long time at the porch looking out at the distance, his heart is now beginning to feel the pain slowly commencing. He closed his eyes and wondered why their blissful love should always have this immense heartache in tow.

_*_"It's Not Too Late"_


	13. Chapter 13

_" I've been thinking about our fortune  
And I've decided that we're really not to blame  
For the love that's deep inside us now  
Is still the same  
_  
_But I'm frightened for the children  
That the life that we are living is in vain  
And the sunshine we've been waiting for  
Will turn to rain…" *  
_  
Justin was true to his word, he showed Janet that he treated her like a dear friend. He continued to invite her and sometimes he would even ask her to bring her children to the gatherings in his place. He didn't go out with other girls though, whenever he went out, it was always Janet he was with. He introduced her to everyone as his dear hometown friend. Although at times he would be seen with his arms around her and he would occasionally kiss her cheek, brow, or lovely brown hair in front of everybody. Even if he told everyone that Janet was his friend, his actions could not deceive his old friends and the members of The Band who had known them for so long.

One of their old friends talked to Justin earnestly, he reminded him that Janet is a married woman with children and that it was obvious that he was acting like he was more than a friend to her. He asked him what his intentions were. Justin found that he cannot lie to their best friend, he told him he loved Janet and he wants to marry her someday. He asked Justin if he made his intentions known to Janet, he said yes, referring to the incident at his country house meadow. When Justin told him how Janet reacted, that she wanted them to be just friends, their old friend earnestly advised him, "_You're being a fool Justin. Has it ever occurred to you that she may not love you as much? It's best for both of you to break it off now while you can and save a lot of pain in the process." _ Justin looked at him in disbelief and told him that was an impossibility, that he lost her once before, and he vowed that will never happen again. Their friend shook his head, he knew well enough not to argue with Justin once he has made up his mind. Even Justin's sister was concerned over what was happening, she knew Janet when they were young, she did not reproach Justin but asked him if he knew exactly what he was doing and its inevitable consequences.

The people around them sympathized with Justin, he was in love with a married woman, that in itself is a dreadful predicament to be in. On the other hand, many were sympathetic to Janet, they saw that she was quietly living her own life and then Justin came along about to cause havoc to her world. Theirs was a crisis waiting to explode and there would always be casualties in the precarious situation they were in.

On Janet's side, she would tell her husband about her visits to Justin's place, he thought she was too old to be a groupie but he allowed her because their children would remark what a kind person Justin was to them. And sometimes she would bring the children along, even if he was never invited to those occasions, and though he was beginning to dislike what's happening, he would grudgingly let them go.

Justin and Janet lived in denial and did not heed the advices given to them by their old friends. They clung to the illusion that they were seen as just friends, the way they were a long time ago. Everything seemed to be going fine, living under their dreamlike illusion, until the press caught on to them.

Janet returned home from work one evening when she was angrily confronted by her husband about an article written in one local paper. Janet stared in horror at pictures of herself and Justin taken from afar, it showed them holding hands, of Justin welcoming her with a kiss. The article had the lurid title, "_ Justin's Beloved Mystery Lady"_, it went on about how this nameless lady was always by his side, how affectionate he was to her, how this had been going on for quite awhile, how Justin bought a place in the city to be near this lady… She did not read on further, Janet felt weak as if her spirit was being drained from her, tears of fright began to fall from her eyes. She told him in a shaky voice, "_These are all lies…" _ He looked at her hard and replied, _"No, you are the liar."_

At work, she can feel all eyes were gazing at her with accusations, she felt they were whispering as she walked by. This felt a thousand times worse than the disapproval she felt when she was a student and they saw her going out with Justin. She kept her head down, they seemed to have all read the papers and even though her name was not in the story, she imagined everyone in town knew it was her. She jolted when she heard her phone ring, she looked at it with fear and guilt, she picked it up and when she heard Justin's voice, she told him she could not talk. He called several times during the day, but she did not take his call. She was afraid to go home, their house felt bleak, her husband's accusing silence was colder than black winter.

Unable to stand the dark silence, Janet spoke to her husband and told her side of the story, she pleaded to him that the papers had exaggerated what it had written. He did not believe her, instead he gave her a final warning, with a cold voice he told her," _For the sake of the children, you will promise to stop seeing Justin again". _Janet agreed.

Justin wanted to call Janet to tell her he was about to depart for America for a long series of concerts that would take several months on the road. He only wanted to say good-bye, he didn't want Janet to think he walked out on her again. However, he became very disturbed by the refusal of Janet to take his calls, so he took a risk and called her at home. Janet answered the call, true enough she sounded shaken, she told him, " _Justin, I can no longer talk to you or meet with you, my husband…" _She didn't even finish what she was saying when Justin asked that they see each other now if she were alone, he told her there was something very important that he had to tell her. Despite her fears, Janet found herself unable to refuse Justin's request.

Janet looked distraught when she met Justin by their door, it pained him to see her at such a forlorn state. He told her that he is leaving for a long trip out of the country, and he just didn't want to leave without personally saying good-bye. He gave her his number where she can reach him anytime she needed him. Janet repeated to him, with tears welling in her eyes, that her husband does not trust them and that they have to stop seeing each other. He seriously looked at her with defiant blue eyes, he held her close and kissed her passionately, he promised Janet, "_I will return to you no matter what."_

_*_"The Story Behind Her Eyes"_


	14. Chapter 14

" _When the tears in your eyes start to show…  
Cast your loneliness out in to the stars...  
One day we'll find ourselves free,  
And you will stand next to me,  
Skimming stones into eternity..."_

Justin's farewell left Janet flustered. Her once peaceful home has turned bitterly unhappy. She found herself crying every night fearing that nothing will ever be the same again and she was unsure of her future. Then like a violent storm that struck from behind, events took a turn for the worst. The persistent news reporters wrote a follow through story, the tale of a famous rock star Justin and a mysterious lady love from his old town was such a enticing story. The tabloids raced to find out who she was, and soon enough her name was printed in the papers and everything they can unearth about Justin and Janet was told. The newsmen discovered that they were childhood sweethearts and they dwelled on the fact that she is married to someone else. Press people began to call her house and her school. They called her husband to comment, which infuriated him.

What was happening enraged her husband, he called her a liar and a cheat. He accused her of infidelity, he accused her of bringing their children along to cover her tracks. He despised her and made her life miserable each day. She had to go on indefinite leave from her job because her being mentioned in the papers was causing scandal to the school. She cannot face her old friends, she was afraid that they would judge her. She was sinking into depression and felt her world was falling apart. What was worse was that no one believed her, no one understood, she had no one to turn to, she felt so alone. She reached out for Justin's number.

He received Janet's call after one leg of their concert and they were about to depart for the next city. It broke his heart to hear Janet crying on the phone, she told him her marriage and her world was falling apart. Without hesitation, Justin informed his Band that he needed to return to England at once and he will just catch up with them in the next city. When they asked him why, he told them that Janet is in trouble and she needed him. The people around him shook their heads and said that Justin has gone off the deep end.

They sought refuge at his place, when they met Janet clung to him like a child and she was crying hard. When he held her, he can feel her terrible pain as she told him what had happened. He offered to take her with him, to get out of all of this, damn the press. She replied that she cannot run off with him, it was something she could not, and would not do. She was trapped in this dreadful situation and there was nothing he could do but be there for her. Justin's presence calmed Janet and like a child she fell asleep in his arms, it was her first peaceful sleep in many weeks.

When she woke up, he was still there gazing at her with those tender blue eyes. She managed a tired smile for Justin as she got up. Once again, he offered to take her with him when he returns to America but she still refused. Whatever unhappy home she was going back to, she needed to return. She kissed Justin on the cheek and thanked him before she left. Justin was worried about her, he made sure that he called her when he arrived back in the States. Every time Justin ended a concert in a city, he would call Janet to tell her he would return to his place in their city to be with her for a day to comfort her before going back on the road.

They met a few more times, until her husband learned about it. He was convinced that Janet was having an affair, and that despite his final warning she could not break up with Justin. When she wanted to reason out, he almost hit her. He said the most cruel things to Janet that she will not forget for a long time. He said that nothing was worse than a married woman with children having an affair which the whole world knew and read about. He warned her that she let herself be fooled by an unscrupulous rock star who will only get rid of her once he is tired of her. He made her feel worthless and he decimated her soul. When he was through berating her, he packed his bags and threatened to take their children away, but they clung to Janet and will not go with him. He slammed the door and swore that he will never to return again. With his leaving, she knew that her family was ruined and it was all her fault.

The floodgates of grief that she had locked up within her heart opened, out came waves and waves of pain that she harbored from the past. She felt that she was being pulled down into a treacherous vortex that she could not escape from. She found herself reaching bottom and a darkness was engulfing her spirit that was more menacing than anything she had experienced before. To protect herself from intense pain, she dissociated herself from what was happening, the way she did before when she was younger. Janet retreated into a blank world where she could not see, hear, or feel anything. The only thing that she could do was feed her children and then she would retreat back into that grey world. It took more than a day before she was able to reach out to call Justin.

When Justin entered Janet's house, he found her crouched on the corner of their kitchen, her eyes were so haunted and she hardly recognized him. Seeing his beloved Janet in that state brought tears to his eyes. He gathered her children and carried Janet down to his car. He brought them to the safety of his country house. Janet was dazed during the days and she spent her nights crying incessantly, it was only when Justin held her that she calmed down. He took care of Janet and sat by her bedside until she somehow regained her composure. The first thing she told him was that her whole world has fallen apart and it was all her fault, she was beginning to cry again when Justin hushed her up, held her hand and told her, _"You are home now, Janie. You're safe here, and I will always love you."_

Justin took care of the needs of her children, he made arrangements so that they did not miss school and that they were properly attended to. He told them that their mother was sick and soon she can join them when she gets well. When he had to go back on the road he asked his sister to look after them. During one of his trips, Janet was sitting on her bed recuperating, when a pretty blonde girl in her teens knocked on her door and asked if she could enter her room. Janet looked at the girl as she came in, she looked almost identical to Justin with her light hair and bright blue eyes. She also had the same warm smile of Justin, "_Hi , are you alright?" _she asked Janet. She introduced herself, "_I'm Marian, I'm Justin's daughter. You must be Janet." _Janet could not reply out of surprise, she could only smile a little and nod her head. The girl was smiling coyly and was curiously staring at her with her bright blue eyes, "_So you're the one whom he wrote those songs to. You're so pretty. Can I be your friend?" _What she said made Janet laugh a little, she remembered that was how Justin befriended her a long time ago. Janet tilted her head the way she did when she liked something and gave her a kind smile, _"Oh Marian, you're so sweet like your father. Yes, we should be friends." _She would become an ally to Janet, just like Justin's sister was.

During the days that followed, her husband busied himself filing for a divorce where he claimed that his wife was having an affair. He learned that she was staying now in Justin's house which made him all the more determined to leave her and made his case stronger. The news continued its relentless coverage of their story, they got around to interviewing Justin who released an official statement that requested the public and the press to give his friend the privacy that she needed during these difficult times. He was usually very accommodating to the media in the past, but this time around they found him uncooperative and he would not comment.

The notice for the divorce hearings arrived after two weeks. Janet just stared at the letter that was about to officially ruin her family life. She was seeing a doctor for her distressed condition and he advised against her having to attend the stressful hearings. Justin told her that he will take care of everything. He talked to his lawyers and he agreed to bring up to Janet to approve to a "no contest" claim to the divorce for the purpose of expediting the proceedings. Janet was too weak to argue or even think about it, she signed the agreement. With her agreement, he will get all their properties but with firm exception of the custody of her children. Justin promised her that he and his lawyers will make sure that she gets her children.

The whole thing was pulling Janet deeper and deeper into depression. Her doctor did not allow her to view the television or read the papers because it will only create undue stress to her condition. She doesn't eat or sleep much and it was worrying Justin. One time Janet went to the kitchen to get a drink, she saw a tabloid newspaper left by their helper on top of the counter. She picked it up and she was shocked at what she read. It says there that Justin was described as a home wrecker and that she gave up her family for someone who was known to be unfaithful and had many girlfriends in his past. Although deep inside she knew that the papers were sensationalizing the story and even printing falsehoods, she cannot help her emotions to spin out of control. She threw the paper to the ground and she fell on a heap on the floor. She cannot control the voices in her head that repeated what she read which echoed what her husband told her, that she gave up everything for someone who will just set her aside when he is tired of her. A darker voice from the past spoke to her, "_Just like before… he will leave you just like before. And you will be nothing…"_

Justin found her crying uncontrollably on the floor of their kitchen and she was slamming the floor with her hands. He was shaken at what he saw, he called out to her, _"Janet!" _ She looked up at him with terrified eyes. She seemed to be afraid of him, he does not know if she recognized him at all. He had to carry Janet to her room where she fell on the bed emotionally exhausted. Justin called up her doctor who diagnosed her with severe depression.

__* "Skimming Stones"_


	15. Chapter 15

" _When the final line is over  
It's certain that the curtain's gonna fall  
I can hide inside your sweet, sweet love  
Forevermore" *_

The awaited letter came from the mail a month after the first divorce hearings. The decision was swift, Justin's lawyers were excellent and Janet's no contest claim expedited the process. It was Justin who received the letter, he brought it for Janet to read in her room. Janet just stared at the envelope, it remained unopened until dinnertime when she went down the hall to join them. Janet did not talk about it over dinner, so Justin went up to her room to ask. He knew what the decision was, but he wanted to know about Janet's reaction. She gave him the opened letter without saying a word. He read that the divorce was made final and that Janet won the custody of her children. She sat down by her dressing table yet she still was not saying anything, so Justin just hugged her and kissed her head. She held his arm and leaned her head on him. He wanted to kiss her ever so passionately, he wanted to ask her if she loved him, he wanted to show triumph, but he held himself. He kissed her hair again and told her he loved her … that was all he wanted to say for now.

The only things that she requested to get from their old house were those that belonged to her children, the clock that Justin gave her, and an old box containing her personal items. When the things arrived, Janet opened the box and her eyes became misty, she held the first gift that Justin gave her, the silver necklace that he gave her for graduation, it did not tarnish over time, and the flower brooch that she liked to wear during his shows, she remembered he called it a symbol of their blossoming love. She had not opened this box for a very long time and now she felt finally free to hold the objects that were precious to her. She placed the crystal clock in her room so she could always look at its beautiful face, its melodious ticking helps her go to sleep.

After the divorce was made final, it took a few weeks for Janet to recover from her depression. She woke up one morning feeling lost. With her mind a little clear, she thought about her situation. She did not know what to do with her life. She had no job, she had no home, and the only family she had was her children. She couldn't possibly go home to her old parents and be reminded time and again about how she failed miserably at her life. She didn't want to be dependent on Justin forever as if she had no sense of self at all.

When Justin arrived, Janet approached him and told him it was time for them to leave. Justin was stunned at what she said. When he asked why, she said that she didn't want to be dependent on his help forever and since the divorce was granted she felt it was time for them to be on their way. He looked at her gravely, and his usual warm blue eyes turned cold, _"Janet, I will not let you go."_ Usually Justin spoke to her gently, but there was something in his tone that made her step back. He was astounded that Janet would even think of leaving him. He realized that he sounded hard, he called her to him, and like a child she obediently followed. He put his arms around her, kissed her hair, and told her she still needed to recover her health fully and she must stop thinking of such things. With his beloved Janet peacefully resting in his arms, here in his home at this very moment, all things fell into place, Justin smiled and he knew it was time.

Justin took a short trip to London and was back the following day. He found Janet seated on the porch gazing at the meadow that was now blooming with early autumn wildflowers. She gave him a calm smile as he went near her. He knelt on the floor beside her, the way he always did when they were younger. He took her hands in his and placed them near his heart, Janet wondered what he was going to say. She could feel the strong beating of his heart against her hands. Justin looked at her with his blue eyes shining with devotion, "_Janet_, _You know that I have always loved you. I cannot imagine my life without you. Will you marry me?"_ He then brought out an extremely beautiful sapphire and diamond ring and placed it in her hands, as he looked up at her expectantly. Janet tilted her head, the way she used to as a girl and gave him that sweet shy smile of hers. Her soft brown eyes were gently studying him for a moment as if she was searching for something in what he said. He repeated himself, this time his eyes were a little pleading as if his life depended on her answer, "Y_ou are my one true love. Janie, will you marry me?"_ Janet smiled and told him tenderly, _"You were the one who told me my paintings as a child were pretty and asked to be my friend, we made a promise a long time ago and then you came back after all these years, and you were true to your promise…" _She sighed as she held his hands, _"Yes, David Justin, I will marry you."_ With a joyful heart, Justin put their engagement ring on her and kissed her hand. He said something unexpected, _"Thank you for taking me back, Janet. I regretted all the years that we have been apart."_ He just told her what she had been waiting to hear for a long time, she kissed him back, and this time she did not break free from his passionate hold.

They were married two months after her divorce was official. Janet's health was still frail so they did not decide on a grand celebration. Their wedding was very private and held in the garden of their country house. Only close friends and family were invited, and Justin instructed that absolutely no press were allowed. Justin's daughter Marian became the maid of honor, and Janet's daughter Kate was their flower girl. Their whole family was so happy for them, they felt whole once again. Janet's elderly mother cried, she finally saw Justin, who was like a son to her even then, wed her daughter the way she wished for them when they were so young. Justin and Janet looked so in love, Justin in particular wore a joyful and triumphant smile on his handsome face. Janet looked truly enchanting, when they put honeysuckle flowers on her hair the people finally saw in her the child-girl that Justin fell in love with a long time ago. They exchanged their vows in late autumn just a few days before winter. They have always dreamed of an autumn wedding when they were young and in love, but did not have the faintest idea of what the future holds except that they would be together. Finally, they felt that the journey they began as children, that took them in separate roads, and then back again where they started, has come full circle. Like their engagement ring, their wedding band was an eternity ring with diamonds and sapphire. As a wedding gift Justin also gave Janet the whole set of diamonds and sapphire necklace and earrings. The gems he chose to symbolize their marriage stood for faithfulness and enduring love.

*__"The Story In Her Eyes"_


	16. Chapter 16

_" Now, as the moonlight shadows, cast across my room  
Only the whispered words are heard in the night  
Only a silent prayer, I love you still, I always will  
Out of the dark, I stumbled into the light  
Only my fear has tumbled, I think, I always knew  
That I would run to you.." *_

Justin is so happy that their house is now bustling with his new family. His childhood love Janet is now finally his wife, his daughter Marian loved to be with her new younger step-siblings Kate and Paul. He turned over to Janet all the domestic responsibilities of running their country house and their flat in London. She is the perfect partner, so organized, efficient, and creative. He recalled that she was always the practical one between them. She took care that their whole house including the pantry, fields and gardens, and stables were run in perfect order. He converted one of the rooms in their house to become her painting studio, next to his music room. She loved it, he got a kiss for that, he happily reported to their children. It would be her favorite place in their house, she would stay there for hours on end if she was painting something.

There were the times when Janet has little energy and is feeling low, she would not go out of their room and stay in bed the whole day, or sit on the porch reading or just looking at the meadow. Justin was advised by her doctor that she has not completely recovered from her depression, that she had to be kept away from stress, and he should make sure that she is busy and occupied so that a relapse will not occur. That was the reason that he built her art studio at home. It was not only his gift for her special talent but also the best therapy for her. It had been months into the marriage and yet Janet still does not frequently go out of their country house, she was still afraid of the scrutiny by other people. She was afraid of being written about again, of their privacy being encroached by the public or the press. Justin adjusted to all that, Janet's blue moods would come and go like the tides of the ocean.

Justin made sure that his new family got everything they wanted. Janet's children who loved the ponies were taught to ride. On weekends he and his children would ride together and there would be laughter the whole day. Janet did not ride, no matter what prodding he made, she refused to ride a horse. He knew better than force Janet into something she did not want to do. One fine Sunday while they were having fun horseback riding, she noticed Janet leaning at the far side of the fence, she was looking at them with a sad expression. He was not sure what was on her mind, so he dismounted from his horse and approached her to ask her why she why she looked sad. He greeted her cheerfully, _"Hi darling, isn't it wonderful to see all our children this happy together? " _ She replied, _"They're our children but they aren't really yours and mine."_ Before he could answer back, she walked away.

He thought about what Janet said, he took it that she meant she wanted for them to have their own children. He was happy and excited at the idea, it was also what he most wanted now. He reminded himself to ask her doctor about it the next time they met. In the meanwhile, they busied themselves to prepare for a major gathering of The Band's producers, agents, and other colleagues in show business to be held in their country home. Janet took care of organizing the event, from the invitations, the décorations, and the dinner arrangement, it was going to be one of the most elegant parties that Justin ever held in his entire career.

The event was also going to be the first public appearance of Janet as Justin's wife. She was apprehensive about the event but she did not show it to Justin. She resolved that Justin will be proud of her in front of all the people who mattered in his great career, it was part of her role as his wife. For the evening, she asked the show staff of Justin to fix her up for the night, but she requested not to overdo it such that she will not look like herself. She just wanted to look presentable to all these show people. She chose a simple cut dark blue gown, her hair was held up, and then she wore the diamonds and sapphire jewelry that Justin gave her as a wedding gift.

When she went down the hall, she approached Justin and held onto his arm so they can greet their guests together. Justin lost his breath for a moment, Janet was absolutely beautiful. He almost could not take his eyes off her that night. She was so radiantly beautiful that night and she was so gracious to all that they almost wanted to bow in honor of the woman that Justin married. The jewelry that Janet wore complemented her like stars sparkling around its lovely muse. She who was known to be averse of the press, allowed all the guest photographers take her pictures, they noticed though that she never once looked directly at the camera.

Their guests, friends and associates now all realized why Justin was completely in love with this lady with the most enchanting brown eyes, elegant dark brown hair, and translucent skin. They also finally understood why Justin never had brunette girlfriends in the past, they figured he did not want to replace her, he was faithful to her memory, and it was a statement that she was far beyond compare. Many finally saw the lady that inspired all the songs that Justin wrote in the past about a lost love in the past whom he pined and searched for.

And she was so different from all the women that they have ever seen with Justin before, she was soft-spoken, reserved, and beguiling at the same time. She almost looked out of place amongst show business folks around her. There was something in her eyes and in her smile that was elusive to describe, the press later describes her as having a "haunting beauty". Janet made the rounds to be introduced and talk with each of the guests, she was so gracious and she had a lovely genuine smile for all. The articles that would be written later about the event with photos of Justin's beautiful and graceful new wife, his "childhood sweetheart Janet" would make Justin the proudest man in his show business world henceforward.

When the night was over, Justin ran up their room to thank Janet for a marvelous evening with his friends, associates, and the press. He was unnerved with what he saw, Janet was sitting in front of the mirror in their bathroom her back to him. She was wearing a plain white nightgown stripped herself of all ornaments, make-up, her damp limp hair hung by her ghostly pale face. She was staring at the mirror with a blank expression, she did not even see him approach. When he called her name, she just looked through him.

* "_Broken Dream"_


	17. Chapter 17

" _As the sun begins to fade  
On a lazy afternoon  
And the quiet shadows move in the stillness  
Is there still a place for me,  
In a corner of your heart  
In the pages of a book you were reading?_

_I would've given you the world to stay_  
_If I had only known what I know today…_  
_I will remember the days when_  
_You swore we would always be true_  
_What on earth is going on with you?_ " *

Janet experienced a major relapse of her depression because of the stress she felt when she forced herself to meet the very people she that was wary of in her first public appearance as Justin's wife. In Janet's mind, the beautiful and gracious woman they raved about was not her true self. Even if it was, the voices in her head told her that she was false, that the beautiful image she saw in the mirror was not hers. The voices in her head told her to strip off her make-up and jewelry, to shed her lovely clothes, to show her who she really was… a plain pale girl, she stared at the mirror and got lost into her own thoughts. Janet's relapse caused her to blank out for days, she stared at the distance, ate little, and hardly recognized Justin and her family. The episode alarmed them, so with great discretion from the public, she was brought to a psychiatrist.

The doctor diagnosed her illness as a relapse of major depression with dissociation, he told Justin that it was not something she could control. Her condition was certainly triggered by a stressful event, but more importantly it came from a well of hurts that were deeply buried in her past, accumulated pain of unresolved issues that she avoided by dissociating herself from reality. The doctor warned that there is an urgent need for her to face those unresolved hurts, otherwise they will continue to surface as depression. He was more concerned about dissociation because if left untreated, it may result in grave mental illness.

Justin asked her doctor about the possibility of having children with Janet. He told Justin that she is currently in no condition to bear a child. Janet has to be physically healthy and in good psychological condition. If they force the issue, her child-bearing may result in miscarriage or in greater and deeper post-childbirth depression which could break her.

The doctor asked Justin to help in the healing process of Janet by talking to her and trying to find out the hurts she has buried in her past. He explained about the difficulty of treating Janet because she will not open up. Justin tells the doctor that Janet has always been like that, she keeps things to herself, she rarely tells others, including himself, what is on her mind, they do not normally discuss what is troubling her. When he prods Janet, she becomes obstinate and he does not want the risk of her being upset with him, he is afraid that if he forces her to do something she does not want to do, she will stop loving him, she can be that way. The obstinacy of Janet has always intimidated him even when they were children. The doctor reminded him that the two of them were no longer children.

The doctor told him, nevertheless, to try and talk things out gently with Janet, it is good for their marriage to have an open communication. When the doctor asked Justin if he knew the past trauma that Janet buried in her psyche, he said he that he does not really know. He recalled that when they were children well into their teens, there were no signs of problems. He said that they were separated for years, he did not know exactly what happened during that time, except that she went to college and got married to another, and then when they reunited she was already depressive. The doctor told Justin that it was truly time to talk to Janet, if they wanted a chance at all of having their own children.

Instead of confronting Janet about her unspoken troubles, Justin asked Janet if she was interested in them to have a child of their own. Janet did not reply, but looked at him with hurt eyes. He told her that he would like for them to have a child but only if she wants to. If she did, he told her that the doctor advised that she needs to get well before they can even have a child. Janet looked at him with fear, she started to cry, Justin held her and he too shed tears over their situation. He begged Janet to surface whatever it was that was troubling her so they can face it together, he told her, "_Let me help you Janet , I am here for you_."

One lazy afternoon, Janet was reading a book by the porch and Justin was beside her writing down some lyrics for his new song. She asked him an unexpected question, _"Justin, tell me about the years when we were apart, I need to know."_ Justin had a feeling that she was trying to surface past hurts from his perspective. He found talking about the past was also painful, but he was always honest so he told Janet, _" I sought after fame and fortune through our music and we did gain it, but it came at a price. The people around me were not all desirable, not people you will like to meet. It was hard on the road and in production, it was not all glory. I was stoned for more than half of the time to escape the crazy realities we were in. On the personal side, I went out with many girls, I was unfaithful, I didn't care. We became famous, but I felt lost. You wouldn't have liked me during those times. Had you been there, you would have set me straight. Janet, the years that we were apart were the biggest regrets of my life."  
_

Janet was listening but she was not looking at him, she was still looking at her book, then she unexpectedly said, _" I waited for you. When you told me that you loved me, I believed you.." _ Painful tears began to fall from Janet's eyes. _"Why didn't you return? Why did you abandon me?" , _she cried_. _The buried pain had surfaced, Justin wearily closed his eyes to realize that it was about their past. _" Janet, I came back for you. But you had already gone."_

When he opened his eyes, he saw Janet was staring at him with great bewilderment.

* "_Lazy Afternoon"_


	18. Chapter 18

" _...tonight I'll dream of you,  
I'll dream I'm lying there in your arms dreaming of you,  
__Cause one day, someday...our love will change the world,  
When you come back to me  
__  
One day, someday...love will reign, again...  
When you come back to me"_

On their second year of marriage, Janet was slowly recovering from her depression. One of the factors that helped was the improvement of communication between them. They agreed not to dwell on the past, to move on as a couple, and to set their sights to the future. Justin continued to aspire for their own child, but hears no good news from her doctor, Janet is still too frail to have a child and her psychological condition is still not yet that good. She has even begun to take medicines for fertility to no avail.

The doctor told the couple, that since oral medication did not work and if they really wanted to increase their chances of having a child, then the next step would be for Janet to get injectable fertility treatments. The doctor explained that this treatment would entail frequent check-ups in the clinic, blood tests, ultrasounds, and exams, a series of drug injections, weekly visits to the doctor, followed by regular hormone shots.

This type of treatment made Janet anxious and she became dejected from the news that it is solely her problem that they still have no child. This guilt compounded with the guilt she felt for her divorce was enough to threaten the onset of another depression. Justin stopped mentioning about the subject of wanting another child, lest he be reprimanded by their friends and family for pressuring Janet and being the cause of another difficult relapse. He echoed his concern to his daughter Marian, knowing that she will help persuade Janet because the two of them are friends.

Which she did, Marian told Janet indirectly how she deeply wishes to have a brother or a sister from the two of them, because she never had any siblings. Janet asked if her father sent her to persuade her, she smiled and said that it was she who really wanted this. In fact, she said, this was all the family wanted, but only if Janet wanted this to herself. "_ Do you truly want to have a child with Justin_?" she inquired. Janet said yes. Then she asked. "_Will you consider giving it (the new treatment) a chance before it is too late?_" Marian succeeded in persuading her, so Janet told Justin that she agrees to have the treatment, with the condition that she will only try it once and never again. Justin reminded Janet that it will be a great strain upon her, Janet answered, _"Yes, I know…"_

When they all made the decision together as a family, they visited the doctor who cautioned them that the treatment will be physically and emotionally exhausting. So Janet has to be given full support by everyone. And so Janet started the series of fertility treatments, it did not help her moods. She continued to be seen staring at the window outside with her usual faraway look, she would have crying spells, and the general mood around their house was gloomy. They were scared about the effects of the treatment on Janet psychologically, which was why her family kept asking her regularly if she wanted to go through with it. She always replied "yes" despite of how she felt.

Janet was ill, on the second year of their marriage she was simultaneously taking treatments for both her depression and for infertility. It was a vicious cycle, and Justin became afraid that she may not get well. He was haunted by his own feelings of guilt too. Although Janet said that she had forgiven him, he sometimes blames himself for leaving her at the age of nineteen, he lived with so much regrets, the doctor warned him that the depression of a spouse can be contagious to the other.

You would think that Justin and Janet would be the happiest couple in the world. Childhood sweethearts who parted and found each other after so many years, and got their dream marriage. But their first two years of marriage were the most difficult, they had to deal with unresolved hurts, guilt, and chronic illness.

Justin was afraid that when Janet was in one of her dissociative states, when she seemed so far away... that she would not come back. During those times, Justin would sit beside Janet holding her hand while she was in whatever distant land she went to, whenever she had that faraway look.

He would be there by her side, waiting for her to come back.

_*_"One Day, Someday"_


	19. Chapter 19

" _I'm just waiting for the sun_

_When the journey we are making has begun_

_Don't deny the feeling _

_That is stealing through your heart_

_Every happy ending needs to have a start…"*_

On their third year of marriage, Justin and The Band received a contract to play their biggest concert of their show business career in Colorado, USA. Although the concert would be in September, as early as mid-February, Justin decided to plan the program by taking time-off from his daily schedules and to practice new riffs. He decided to rent a villa in the south of France. On the first sign of spring Justin and Janet moved to their rented vacation house in Avignon. When Janet left, she was forlorn and disappointed that that conception did not occur after several months of the strenuous fertility treatments. Half of the time she was sad, dazed, and on the brink of another major depression. Justin thought the vacation in the South of France, away from the "madding crowd" would do her good.

He was right. Just a week in their new location brought color back to Janet's cheeks. Maybe it was the sunlight, the warmer climate, or the fact that no one recognized them as celebrities in town, and Janet was able to move around freely, all these factors combined to bring back her health. Janet went to the market in Avignon by herself, she shopped food and quaint objects from the flea market, everyday she cooked their own meals, she gardened – planted and harvested flowers and vegetables, painted, and read her books while Justin practiced for his coming big concert. Janet was noticeably blooming and happy in Avignon, and Justin was so glad that her spirits have returned. Even their visiting friends and family noticed the good change in Janet.

Their routine was that Justin and Janet would return to their home in England once a month, and/or their family and friends would visit them in Avignon. By mid-April Janet noticed that she was had been continually gaining weight for several weeks, the first time in many years. At first she thought it was the healthy food they were eating but there were also other signs that she was quite familiar with – constipation, fatigue, frequent trips to bathroom, and the tell-tale nausea especially in the morning. The moment she realized what was happening to her body, she felt a little anxious. "_Could it be?"_, she asked herself. She had quite given up on the thought, but she headed fast to the town pharmacy to get herself an over-the-counter pregnancy kit and administered it at home.

The result was positive. When Janet saw the revealing two red lines from the test, her eyes started to mist. She could feel happiness singing in her veins, but she held herself back, she knew she had to confirm the findings with her doctor. So she scheduled an appointment first thing in the morning the following day. That night, she slept with a sweet smile on her face, she rested all curled up in the arms of her dear husband Justin, she blissfully imagined that there were three of them now.

Her doctor and the nurse noticed Janet's different glow at once, and they were only too happy to give her an official pregnancy test in their clinic. After the test, Janet sat down in the doctor's office, wringing her hands, nervously waiting for the results. Her doctor came out with a big smile on his face, he congratulated Janet, the results were positive, she was forty-five days pregnant. The nurse hugged her, and Janet cried tears of joy.

From the clinic, Janet even managed to shop at the village market in Avignon and cook their lunch. Their whole family was present during this weekend, Justin's sister, Marian, and her two kids. It was time for Janet to tell Justin the most wonderful news she could ever share with him. She found him in their recreation room writing new songs, she looked at him lovingly, he was bathed in the golden glow of Provence sunlight, she lovingly thought how he changed her whole life from the time she was eleven, the trials they went through, to this moment when they had conceived a child from the love they always had for each other.

Justin saw Janet approach him with a look on her face that he had not seen before, a joyful angelic look. Her eyes were liquid gold again and filled with love, the last time he remembered that she looked at him in a similar way was when during their return trip to their favorite hill the day they met again. But Janet's look now was a thousand times more joyful, like she was bearing the best news of their lives. Instinctively, his heart leapt at the thought, even without words, he could read her mind.

Janet could see in Justin's eyes that he knew what she was going to say. She could see by the marvelous warmth of his eyes and his smile, that he shared in the same exultant joy she felt. No words were exchanged and they rushed to embrace each other tightly. Janet had to say it, even though she did not have to, _" My darling David Justin, we're going to have a child!" _She breathlessly told him_, " I just came from the doctor and he said we're expecting a baby, it's been forty-five days!" _ Justin sighed and told her, "_Janet you had given me all the happiest days in my life, from t__he day you agreed to have me as a friend, when told me you loved me when you were sixteen, when you came back to me backstage at the concert, when you took me back, when we married, and now our own child..." _ He held her hand and eagerly led her off , "Come,_ let's tell our family the wonderful news!" _

Justin joyfully announced to all that they were expecting a child, his arms were protectively held around Janet who was smiling sheepishly like a little girl. Everyone rushed to get up to hug and kiss Janet who was once again softly crying tears of joy. She lost count how many times she had cried in happiness these past few days. It was indeed the happiest day of their lives. Justin rushed to off to telephone all his friends back in England to relay to them proudly about the great news. Their child was expected to come in the first week of December, a winter baby.

Since the time their child was conceived, Janet showed absolutely no sign of her chronic depression. The changes in her body did not cause any change in moods as the doctor feared. Janet was a very healthy expecting mother, her cheeks were rosy, and her weight was normal, she was in high spirits all the time, and she even managed to do all her house chores despite of her condition. Her term went on perfectly and finally it was time to check the gender of their child.

Janet and Justin did not have any preference for the gender of their child. It was something they never talked or speculated upon, they were just too caught up in the happiness of having their own child. However, on her fifth month it was inevitable that the gender of their baby would be known. So Janet and Marian went together to the clinic for her regular pre-natal check-up along with the knowledge that at the end of the visit, they will know if the baby was a girl or a boy. Janet went through the tests happily while her step-daughter was pacing outside, Marian knew the secret wish of their family for Justin regarding the gender of the baby.

When the doctor went out, he had another big smile, he happily announced that the tests show that Justin and Janet were expecting a boy. Janet was stunned at the news, while Marian jumped up and down the corridors of the clinic like a little girl. Janet overflowed with happiness and once again for the nth time she cried tears of joy while Marian hugged her. Marian wanted to dial Justin and tell him the most wonderful news, but kept to herself, for she knew it must only be Janet who should break the news to him.

Justin just returned from London when he arrived to find their household in a remarkably bright mood. Janet also had an unusually beautiful glow around her as he greeted him with a welcome kiss back home. She held his arm and asked for them to sit down because she had great news to tell him. He was not quite aware that in Janet's fifth month, they would know the gender of their child. So what Janet told him came as a marvelous surprise, she said with a loving smile , _"We came from the doctor this morning. He told us that we are expecting a boy. David Justin, we will have a son!"_ Like Janet when she first heard the news, he was stunned. He asked himself if it was possible for any person to be happier than he was that moment. He was suddenly at a loss to say words that could express his joy, but somehow he managed to exclaim, _"Janet, you are my life and happiness... I love you more than anything in this world! "_ He closed his eyes, embraced her tightly, and gently kissed his most wonderful childhood sweetheart-wife Janet. _She gave him a son_, he joyously thought as he embraced her, his memory flashed back to the time he met this sweet little brown-haired girl with the shy smile who looked up at him with such lovely soft brown eyes, the one whom he had always loved, _she gave him a son_. It was impossible to describe how happy he felt.

Janet continued to do her chores and to work on her paintings well into her term. One day, when Justin came into their recreation room, he found Janet painting while listening to one of his songs. He smiled fondly with surprise, it was the first time he saw Janet listening to his music and jested about it. She replied, _"Don't be silly David Justin, of course I listen to your music."_ He asked if this album was one of her favorites, she said yes. It was an album of his when he sung covers of modern classic songs. He thought perhaps she appreciated the mellow blue tunes of the songs.

Then Janet, while she was painting, unexpectedly told him, _" I would like us to name our son Vincent… " _, she was referring to the beautiful song of Justin that she was currently listening to and the painter-artist that inspired it. Justin put his arms around Janet and kissed her, _"Yes, our son's name shall be Vincent."  
_

_*_"You Can Never Go Home Again"_


	20. Chapter 20

" _Well I've had dreams enough for one  
And I've got love enough for three…  
I have my hopes to comfort me  
I got my new horizons out to sea  
But I'm never going to lose your precious gift  
It will always be that way…" *  
_

Come early September, Justin and The Band performed the biggest concert of their career in an open concert arena in Colorado, USA. Janet flew in a day before the concert date, she was six months into her term. Had the show been a month later, either she would not be able to attend Justin's epic concert or their son would have been born in the USA.

Janet decided to wear a dark blue silk dress, to cleverly hide her six month bump. Like the time when she attended Justin shows when they were younger, she would wear one of the jewelry pieces he gave her as a gift, this time she wore the antique Lalique pin called "The Kiss" to hold the scarf around her dress.

The concert was monumental, attended by more than half a million of their fans in America. Janet who had always detached herself from the show business life of her husband was astounded at how famous he was. She never expected the sheer size of the audience, she held onto Marian who accompanied her to the show. They sat in a special place at the first row, exactly in front of where Justin was playing. From where he was, he can see his lovely wife Janet watching his performance on the stage.

In the middle of the show, just before he played one of the songs he had written for her, to Janet's great surprise, he proudly introduced her to all his fans. When called out to her, the camera of the gigantic screen focused upon Janet whom he introduced to all as, _"My one true love."_ The audience overwhelmingly greeted her with their applause, many of whom saw Janet for the first time, with her dark brown hair and translucent glowing skin, they were awed with how beautiful and radiant she was. Then Justin proudly announced, _"We are expecting a son this December!"_ The crowd went wild and roared with approval. Janet was not used to this sort of attention, she felt she wanted to hide but all she could do was smile and shyly looked down as she blushed like a little girl.

At the end of the show, Janet escaped from the crowd, went straight to their hotel room and retired. She did not expect Justin to return, the post-concert party, where she was not expected to attend would be raging until the following day. Early the following morning, Janet and her nurse flew back to England to spend the rest of her term in their country house in Wiltshire.

The concert was a major success and established Justin and The Band to be certified legends in the rock world. From the proceeds of the concert, Justin decided to buy the vacation house in Avignon where they stayed early that year. They acquired the property because the house was so memorable, it was where their son was conceived in the same year as his epic concert. It was also the place where Janet is so happy and got cured of her illness. The couple agreed that their son and the rest of their family, as well as their close friends would spend their leisure days in that most fortunate house in the South of France.

Back in England, during the last trimester of Janet's pregnancy, she felt their baby to be growing so heavy. On her eighth month in November, she found it increasingly difficult to go up and down the stairs of their house. Justin's sister once found Janet holding on to the banister of the stairs as she struggled to go down to the dining hall. When she was asked if she was alright, Janet replied with an exhausted look, _"Justin's baby is so heavy."_ Afraid that she may suffer a fall, they decided to transfer her room downstairs. Justin refused to leave Janet alone in her room, so he too transferred downstairs with her. She spent the last days of her term reading her books near the fireplace, wrapped warmly in her blanket with Justin by her side, and they waited until the birth of their son on the first signs of winter.

William Vincent Spencer Hayward was born in the early morning of the 9th of December 1992 in London. He took his first name from the brother of Justin who passed away too young. Like Justin, they would use his middle name "Vincent" as his formal name. He was indeed a heavy baby, weighing above normal at more than eight pounds upon birth. They could see that he had fair hair like Justin, and definitely looked like him. They were extremely delighted to see that when he opened his eyes, their son Vincent inherited the soft brown eyes of Janet.

Justin pleaded with Janet to allow one of the papers, whom they considered their friend, to take a picture of them with their new baby. In a rare gesture, trusting Justin with his request, Janet agreed to have their photo taken. Justin asked for this so all his friends and fans would celebrate the birth of their son and how proud they were of their wonderful new baby boy named Vincent.

Contrary to the fears of her doctors, Janet did not suffer from post-childbirth depression. She bubbled with joy playing with their baby, bouncing him on her knees, reading him bedtime stories, and doting on him. Their whole family doted on him. Although they had a nurse for the baby, Janet made sure that she took care of his needs herself. Justin remarked that for the first time in their years back together, laughing and it was because of their son Vincent. Justin who suffered no lack of self-confidence was able to jest about how he was not able to make Janet happy but it was their son Vincent who did. Justin had many photos taken of himself and their new son for the newspapers and fan magazines, Janet stayed away from those, her being press-shy was not changed at all by their new child. She designed the nursery room of Vincent in both their home in Wiltshire and in Avignon, next to their master bedrooms. The family spent half of their time in both homes, and the sight of Janet shopping at the market with baby Vincent in a stroller was a familiar sight and a welcome one in town.

Years later, a photo was taken of the family at the airport in France, it showed Justin carrying Vincent, who was already two years old, on his left arm and kissing Janet on her forehead while she was leaning on him with her shy smile. The candid photo showed such a sweet blissful family, their followers and detractors had forgotten all about their thorny past.

*_"_New Horizons_"


	21. Chapter 21

_**" Let me be on a mission to your heart**_  
_** On a journey to your soul**_  
_** Let me walk by your side**_  
_** Let me be dedicated to your needs**_  
_** Silent when you breathe**_  
_** Let me be "**_ *

" ..._**To learn as we grow old  
The secrets of our souls "**  
**_  
The joy brought about by their son made Janet and Justin speculate about having another child. They had a long discussion over it, Justin was enthusiastic but Janet felt discouraged about the idea due to the great difficulty they had in conceiving Vincent. Their discussion reached a point when they asked Janet's doctor about the possibility of having another child using the same treatments. Their hopes were dashed when the doctor told them about the great risk of Janet developing reproductive cancer if she had to take a second round of treatment she took before. Thus ended that dream, Justin and their whole family did not want to risk Janet's health, and they became fully convinced that having one child was a special blessing in their lives, and they did not ask for more.

When Vincent was big enough to fend for himself, Justin gifted Janet with her own art studio business in town. For Janet, it was a childhood dream come true, she had always wanted to have her own studio where she would exhibit and sell her paintings and get clients to design their home interiors. Justin had always known that, she would often tell him her dreams when they were still children on "their hill". Because of Janet's talent and good head for business, her art shop became quite successful, she was featured in a renowned interior decoration magazine as the "Most Promising Artist and Decorator in England". Wary of being photographed by herself for the article, she requested Justin to sit by her side for the cover photo. They were such a sweet couple, the middle-aged handsome rock star with his beautiful and talented decorator wife, it was not a surprise that the issue was sold out. Her interior designs were a reflection of herself, subtle, cozy, elegantly pretty, and her signature would be the wildflowers that would grace each room. Her paintings would mostly be about nature which she loved ever since she was a small girl. One can see that all her work were labors of love, much like Justin's songs.

They centered their lives around their country homes in Wiltshire and Avignon. Janet and Vincent were a joyful sight for all to see, an adorable golden toddler with his lovely dark haired mother playing in the sunny fields and meadows, surrounded by wildflowers of their country homes. Janet continued to bloom, and her illness became a thing of the past. Such was their contentment, so that when Vincent was four years old, it came as a complete surprise to the couple that Janet became pregnant with their second child, without the need for medication. When Janet learned about this, she cried in happiness. And Justin could not express his joy more than he ever could in his life. Their family and friends rejoiced in the news and eagerly awaited for the new baby which was due January.

Of course they were secretly hoping for a girl, so when the news came on the fifth month, Janet sheepishly told Justin that their baby would be another boy. She was not expecting Justin to react as joyfully as he did, he embraced Janet tightly and told her that she made him the happiest and proudest man in the world to have two sons with her. Janet's pregnancy this time was less difficult, she noticed that their second baby was not as heavy as Vincent was when she was carrying him. They named their second child, Jason Michael, he was born on the 14th of January 1996. He had blue eyes like Justin and brown hair like Janet. Justin jested that Janet made their children "works of art", combining and exchanging colors of themselves as parents. He was referring to the eyes and hair color combination that their children had.

Even as a child, Michael had a different temperament than Vincent. He was more like his mother, serious-minded and practical. Unlike Vincent who inherited his parents' talent in painting and music, Michael did not show signs of artistic talent. Instead, he excelled in school. While Vincent took school in stride and spent more time in their parents' art studios, Michael became a consistent honor in class. Vincent was more outgoing and flamboyant like his father while Michael was more reserved and organized like Janet. They shared one trait, however, the two of them were good-natured like both their parents. Needless to say, Vincent and Michael became the very best of friends, their perfectly complementing personalities reflected Justin and Janet's chemistry. Later in life, it would be Michael who would manage the family business, the music production of Justin and the art and decorations business of Janet. He would also chair the educations committee of the college and the Spencer-Hayward Foundation for under-privileged youth. He became the son everyone could count on when they were too busy in their artistic pursuits.

As a fulfilled wife and mother, Janet had finally come out of her shell. She was active in the school board and became one of the pillars of their educational community. She became a renowned writer of illustrated children's books, the proceeds of which went to charity for the education of less privileged children. Her recognition as an artist and as a social figure equaled the fame of Justin as a legend in music. They became one of the most loved and highly respected couples in the art and music world.

Their family came full circle when Justin and Vincent performed a magnificent Father and Son Concert together at the Royal Albert Hall. Vincent reminded everyone of the young Justin, the two prodigies were a touching sight to see for the generations they represented. Janet and Michael sat in the front row, they proudly watched with love, their two golden stars (husband/father/brother/son) on stage, the way they always did, happy to share them with the world and quite content that they were not in the limelight.

Their marriage which initially brought Janet emotional and physical distress became a source of healing. Justin was true to his promise that he would always be there for her and for their family. With his marriage to Janet, he was no longer a disillusioned, restless, and haunted soul, writing and singing songs about his lost love. Their achievement as a couple was far greater and more meaningful than when they were alone because they were truly born for each other.

When they were well into their sixties, and their handsome faces were showing the weathers of time and their hair were tinged with grey, they were still holding hands by the porch late one afternoon, looking over the beautiful meadow before them. They were reminiscing of the time when their marriage was tested in the early years. Justin told Janet of his fear before that she may never come back, that she would be there physically but he would lose her all over again. He recounted to Janet when all of them saw how the birth of their son Vincent healed her. Janet kissed Justin's hand as a sign of gratitude for what he said for taking care of her when she was ill, but she gently corrected him, _"Justin, it was your love that healed me." _ Justin was touched with what she said, he told her that he was also healed and made whole again by their love. When Janet asked him about the moment when he knew his broken heart was healed. Justin looked at her with all the love in his soul and smiled, for he relived this moment everyday... when he saw his long lost childhood love Janet radiantly smiling at him backstage at their hometown concert, Justin kissed her hand in return and sweetly replied, _"When you came back to me…"_

_*_"The Eastern Sun"  
** _"The Question"_

_end_


End file.
